Calf Magnetic
by admin on Dec.01, 2008, under Leather Wallets For Men
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Calf Magnetic
Critiques, Please?
Hey Guys, I am hoping to submit this poem in an upcoming contest, and would like a little constructive criticism on how to make it better. Thanks!:
The distant trail
calls out to me,
in perfect, silent, reverie…
my Calves feel the pull
as the magnetic earth beckons me:
"Run.
Run.
Run."
Far too far I'm allowed to stray,
when that wooded path pulls me away,
from all that is real
from all that is true,
Into something far more perfect,
A shade of royal blue.
With each pound
of sole upon the earth,
mind and body slip further away,
Until,
the only thing left
is that pound,
Steady.
Steady.
Steady.
The caustic scream in my lungs:
"Quit!
Quit!
Quit!"
But ever tenacious
is that tug on my laces,
Join me.
Join me.
Join me.
until at last
I've forgotten about
all that is huis-clos,
and the only thing left?
Is me and those laces.
Wonderful! You may not win the first prize but keep on trying.
I would avoid the rhythm in "Far too far I'm allowed to stray,
when that wooded path pulls me away", though. And also, I find a contradiction when the narrator seems to be away with tangible reality being only ideas, desires and interior orders, there comes the image of the pound quite out of place. Are you sure?
Good luck! Do not "run, run, run", just write, write, write!
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Calf Planet
After leaving such a complex civilization as Egypt, was the concept of "magnetism" lost upon the Israelites ?
They understood metallurgy sufficiently to forge a "Golden Calf", so why not a simple magnetic needle to guide them to Canaan, rather than wandering for 40 years to cross 40 kilometers.
And yes, magnetic minerals do exist in nature, magnetite, for example, for those of you who have never survived outside of K-Mart.
Any intelligent thoughts / theories?
Like most "Complex civilizations" Egypt was able to make such advances because they were secure in their location. Nothing but desert and mountains all around them, they only had to defend the nile region.
When Israel left egypt they were embroiled in years of war and survival...when you don't have the extra time and living to the next day is taking up much of your time.....unnessecary things with little practical use for the day (like magnets) pass away
